The mentor you didn’t know you needed.
Observation 🧐
There’s a reason why they say “It’s lonely at the top”.
When you first step into leadership, you often lose your peer group. The AEs you used to confide in now report to you.
Early in your career, your boss has time for you. First line managers typically have between 5 to 8 reps allowing them far more time to spend with you on your development when you are an individual contributor.
But as you climb higher, that changes.
When I went from first line leadership to second line (leader of leaders) leadership, there was a drastic reduction in the amount of time I had with my leader. My boss had so many sellers and managers he was responsible for. He didn’t have the capacity (or sometimes even the context) to give me “on the job” mentorship.
I think one of the best things I did in that role was to find a peer mentor to learn from early on. I proactively asked my Senior Vice President for recommendation for a peer mentor. I wanted someone who was ahead of me on their journey, who was willing and able to be an advisor.
My Peer mentor taught me so much about how to lead in a new environment and sell to a new segment of customers. Her sage advice allowed me to ramp up the learning curve quickly and fill in the knowledge gaps.
When you are new, you don’t know what you don’t know. Having a peer mentor is the fastest way to identify the gaps and work on filling them in.
How to fill the mentorship gap leaders face
Peer mentorship is critical for leaders and one of the most underrated accelerators of growth.
Psychologist Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory shows that we learn best through observation and imitation, especially from people slightly ahead of us.
Watching someone navigate the same challenges you’re facing creates what neuroscientists call vicarious learning. Your brain fires the same neural pathways as if you were taking the action.
In other words, when you see a peer running an effective team meeting, handling an exec review confidently, or coaching with empathy, your brain encodes that behavior as possible for you too.
Stanford researcher Carol Dweck calls this expanding your sense of what’s possible. Seeing someone you relate to (not a celebrity CEO or bestselling author, but someone in your shoes) proves that growth is attainable. It shifts your inner dialogue from “Can I do that?” to “If they can do that, so can I”
You learn faster because you see the playbook in action.
You build confidence because you normalize the struggle.
You stretch your potential because your brain believes success is within reach.
You feel less isolated, which reduces burnout and decision fatigue.
Finding your tribe doesn’t just feel good, it changes your brain’s belief in what’s possible.
Friends are not necessarily mentors.
Some of us are lucky enough to have found our people at work, our “tribe.” We have friends at work we can vent to, grab coffee with or text after a tough meeting.
But as Sheryl Sandberg points out, “Friendship is where you trust someone and confide in them. Mentorship is when you give advice, support, and encouragement to go after something you want.”
The difference is intention.
Friends listen but Mentors challenge.
A friend might say, “That sounds tough, I’m sorry you’re going through that.”
A peer mentor says, “That’s tough, here’s how I’ve approached this in the past and what worked for me”
How to develop a meaningful relationship with a Peer Mentor
A peer mentor doesn’t have to be older or more senior. They just need to be a little further along the same path. Here’s how to make it work:
1. Identify your person.
Look for someone in your company, industry, or network who:
Is in a similar role to you or has had experience in the areas where you have gaps.
Has achieved the results you aspire to
Is open to sharing and broadening their own network
2. Reach out intentionally.
Ask to connect for mutual growth, not as a favor.
“I really admire how you lead your team meetings and coach your reps. I’d love to trade ideas and learn from each other. Would you be open to connecting?”
Establish a rapport before you ask for a recurring cadence.
3. Structure your conversations.
Keep it simple and consistent. Over time, you will find your rhythm of what you get most value from.
This format works to have a two way dialogue. You can get your peer mentor’s point of view and also share what’s happening in your business:
Wins: What’s working for you this month?
Challenges: What are you struggling with?
Ideas: What’s one new thing you’re trying?
4. Keep it reciprocal.
The best mentorship relationships are mutually beneficial. How can you offer value to your peer mentor?
Offer to be a mentor to someone on their team
Connect them to others in your network who may be of value
Share your own wins, templates, best practices with them.
Become their accountability buddy. No matter where you are in your career journey, we all need to find the motivation to do hard things.
Even if you feel like the “junior” one, you have a lot to offer.
Your curiosity helps your mentor reflect on their own growth. That’s the magic of peer learning, it lifts both people. Check out my previous newsletter on the value of being a mentor (regardless of where you are in your career).
Mentorship doesn’t have to come from the top, sometimes it comes from across the table.
Thought Starter 🤔
Love 🥰
Carol Dweck’s book Mindset is a must-read for any leader. Her research shows that people who believe their abilities can be developed through effort, feedback, and learning (a growth mindset) outperform those who believe talent is fixed.
This is evident in peer mentorship. When you surround yourself with people who are just a few steps ahead, you witness growth in real time, proof that improvement is possible. Your peer mentor becomes living evidence of the growth mindset in action.
